This project first started out as just something to occupy my newly available “free time” when our world got turned upside down in March due to the global coronavirus pandemic. Like many of you, I never imagined that 148 days later we’d still be smack dab in the middle of this mess. While I knew I would be able to extract some great lessons on life and leadership that would be worth sharing from the movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, I didn’t anticipate being taken on a journey of immense self-discovery and self-reflection as well. I’m definitely completing the project at a much slower pace than I initially anticipated, but I guess that’s working in my favor now since we just seem to be stuck in this never-ending groundhog day that just plays on repeat until infinity. I’m still relentlessly optimistic that we find our way out of the dumpster fire by Thanksgiving, but unfortunately, the disease that is American Exceptionalism continues to beat us at our own game, mocking us every single step of the way as we inch closer to our own societal collapse. Did I mention that this project has also evolved into almost a bit of a diary for both historical context and my own personal struggles and journey of navigating through a seemingly never-ending pandemic? Normally, I’d be so caught up in making sure that I’m remaining consistent in format and tone as I complete each chapter, but I’m learning to embrace how it has grown and changed organically over time while still keeping the same original objective, which is to share my favorite (and most applicable) life and leadership lessons as learned from the films and characters of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Chapter 7 takes a look at Iron Man 3, which upon watching again, I only have faint recollections of seeing this movie in theatres when it was first released. As it turns out, the themes of this movie happened to perfectly line up with some of my own personal experiences as well. Much of the movie is focused on Tony Stark dealing with a season of intense anxiety that cripples some day to day tasks. As someone who has lived with anxiety for the majority of my life, watching Iron Man 3 when I did fell right in line with not only important lessons that I will share with you, but important lessons that I was able to remind myself of as well. Here are my favorite life and leadership lessons as taught by Iron Man 3.

Lesson 1: Normalize that Feelings are for Feeling

We live in a society that has attempted to mold us under the constraints of a multitude of “shoulds”, each one dictating to us what we should wear, how we should behave, what we should do, how we should be, and certainly what we should feel. We also constantly overindulge on the highlight reels of unattainable lives and lifestyles via excessive consumption of social media. The endless scrolling sucks us into this alternate reality that deceives our brain and tricks us into thinking that everyone’s else's life is perfect, while ours is the only one that is falling apart, because most people are only willing to share triumphs while completely neglecting the trials and tribulations. When we do this, however, we forget that every single person on this earth goes through difficult seasons, even billionaire playboy philanthropists like Tony Stark. The real problem is that we get caught in this loop of denying authentic feelings and only allowing ourselves to process happy and positive emotions, while stuffing down anything that doesn’t resemble happiness.

Author and activist, Glennon Doyle, says it best, “feelings are for feeling”, and not just the cheery ones. This is because we are human, and humans are a complex mess. But the good news is that there is so much beauty in the mess. So no matter what you are feeling throughout quarantine or just in regular everyday life, remember that you’re seeing the world’s highlight reel that never highlights the challenging times. Don’t try to live your life in a way that you’re only willing to address the positive feelings and not also give space to the less Instagram worthy experiences.

Lesson 2: More Money Does Not Make You Immune to Mental Illness, PTSD, or Trauma

In Iron Man 3, we learn that even Tony Stark, the man who appears to “have it all” winds up experiencing severe anxiety attacks and PTSD after the events of New York that happened in the first Avengers movie. When Iron Man made it out of the wormhole, an incredibly traumatic experience, his whole existence was flipped upside down. His first on-camera panic attack happens while he is out at a restaurant and a small child asks for an autograph, while another child starts to mention what happened in New York - which Iron Man 3 takes place approximately six months post Avengers and six months after the traumatic events. As is common with panic attacks, Tony ends up in full autonomous fight-or-flight mode with his body rapidly shutting down on him. It comes out of nowhere and quickly overtakes his body, causing him to leave the restaurant and go outside for fresh air and to get back in his suit to allow for Jarvis to do a diagnostic scan. Tony assumes that he is experiencing something catastrophic and potentially life-threatening - which, let me tell you, as someone who has experienced her fair share of panic attacks in my life, this is very accurate. You feel like the ground is being ripped out from under you and the only place you can find grounding is curled up in the fetal position. It’s especially terrifying because they tend to come out of nowhere.

I think it’s important that we take time to acknowledge a common misconception about anxiety disorders, panic attacks, PTSD, and trauma that somehow money and a lavish lifestyle protects you from those things. But the truth is, we are all human and will, more than likely, experience traumatic events or even periods of anxiety at least once in our lives. The other part of this misconception and stigma surrounding various mental illness is that somehow asking for help and/or working with a therapist makes you weak. This is also incredibly untrue. Even billionaire, playboy, philanthropists like Tony Stark aren’t designed to carry the entire weight of the world on their shoulders. I think Marvel taking the chance to normalize prioritizing our mental health and getting the assistance we need to be able to function most effectively in society is hugely beneficial, especially considering they use Tony Stark as their example. Like many of the movies, there is a brilliant subtlety to the messaging of this lesson. They don’t make a big deal of it that Tony has learned that he’s working through an anxiety disorder and likely PTSD as well. Sure, we watch him experience these things, but nothing about his anxiety says that he is weak or emasculated. He admits his problem and then seeks the advice of his friend, Dr. Bruce Banner (although, Bruce is not a clinical psychologist). You may not think that themes like this have any impact on the mainstream, but they do. When we see ourselves reflected in the art and media we consume, it normalizes a whole slew of things, including speaking out about our mental health when we are traversing through more challenging seasons.

Lesson 3: Remember Who You Are

If you’re a child of the 90’s, you’ll probably instantly remember this as the wisdom Mufasa shared with Simba from beyond the grave, reminding him that he is more than what he has become. Although this moment is from The Lion King, I think it is equally as applicable here with Iron Man 3. To calm his nerve and anxiety after New York, Tony spends many a sleepless nights down in his lab tinkering, building more and more updated versions of his Iron Man suit. It is his coping mechanism to escape the PTSD and panic attacks he faces in his sleep, unable to come to terms with all the unknowns that happened in escaping the wormhole in New York.

Throughout the course of the movie, you see Tony on this journey from the low point of admitting that he doesn’t have solid ground to stand on and that he’s truly scared of letting anything bad happen to Pepper to rediscovering not only what is important to him, but also who he is at his core. Just like Simba, and Tony Stark, we all find ourselves lost or out of sorts on our own journeys at one point or another along the way. But deep down in our soul, we know exactly who we are and what we stand for, even if it takes some excavation to get back to the essence of our identity. While Tony is spiraling into a relatable existential crisis during his dark season, Pepper tells him that his suits are nothing more than a distraction. However, at the end of the film Tony says, “My armor, it was never a distraction, a hobby, it was a cocoon. And now, I’m a changed man. You can take away my house, all my tricks and toys. One thing you can’t take away - I am Iron Man.” I actually think they are both right. Sometimes, we use our own metaphorical armor, whatever that may be, to hide our true selves or true struggles from the world. We create a facade so that we don’t have to address any of our shortcomings or maintenance we need to do, of which we all have. But sometimes, sometimes we need that armor, that facade, so that we can continue that construction, that putting in the work, or in this case, rediscovering who we are in the background, without giving it too much attention in the foreground. A caterpillar doesn’t announce to the world that it’s going to hide away from the world in order to transform into a butterfly; it just continues to put in the hard work day after day until one day it is time to re-emerge as a beautiful butterfly. After Tony has put in a considerable amount of work to return to who he is, he realizes that no matter what happened, no one can take away the fact that he is Iron Man.

Iron Man 3 was definitely heavy on the life lessons and focus on mental health, specifically. Not only are these important things to consider in our daily lives, but especially during a time of excessive levels of chaos and the unknown as our entire worlds have been flipped upside down. I’ve really enjoyed the lessons I’ve been able to extract from the movies of the Marvel Cinematic Universe thus far, and I hope they have resonated with all of you as well. I look forward to sharing more life and leadership lessons as taught by some of our favorite superheroes. But just remember, NO SPOILERS, because I’m still seeing some of these movies for the very first time!

For this chapter, I chose to put together and photograph looks for both Pepper Potts, as well as Tony Stark. Tony gets pretty banged up in Iron Man 3, so it was fun to bust out the stage blood and throw in some rudimentary special effects makeup to enhance the look.

Pepper Potts

Photography By: Krystyn Slack

Tony Stark

Photography By: Krystyn Slack